We had to coat check the pizza.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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