I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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