Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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