You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
