An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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