Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
