also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
