trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize