Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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