you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
