She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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