If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
