tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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