i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
