You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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