new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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