hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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