I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
