shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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