Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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