I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry about my life...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
