He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
