why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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