She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion