oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.