They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...