I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy