apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.