I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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