We're like a lot better than the average bears
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?