So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY