sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
