are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
