If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
