The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
