We should be called the Road Head Warriors
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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