how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
