Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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