Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I looked at my own cervix.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
