The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
