So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
