Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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