covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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