I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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