I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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