Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
