Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
