I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
