this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
