sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
