; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
