Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
