I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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