i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
