My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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