Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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