Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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