ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
