Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
