God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
