How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
