Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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