No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
