Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
