Your tits are I can't wait for
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
